When I was pondering this post, I realized that up until 30 or so years ago, the term “reboot” did not exist. Or at least it didn’t exist in popular vernacular. Can you imagine, what did people say when they needed to convey the idea of restart/renew/reinvention? Well, they likely used one of those, but reboot means so much more than that.

By definition, a reboot is the reloading of an operating system following the restart of an electronic device. For some reason, your computer is “having a day,” and needs to refresh its electronic synapses. Now, I’m no IT expert, but I do know anytime I have a computer issue, my first step is always to reboot. Primarily because I know that if I call an actual IT guy (or gal), that’s the first thing they’re going to tell me to do, but also because I’ve worked with computers long enough to know that this is generally the chicken soup for almost all ills of the digital age. As I’ve marinated on this idea of living wide over the past few days, I realized that there’s a certain amount of foundational work that has to be done for someone like me who is somewhat predisposed to live small. More specifically, there needs to be some introspection and self reflection. Questions need to be asked and honestly answered. And ultimately, there needs to be a large scale reboot.

As it stands, I know my current operating system will have difficulty recognizing the idea of living wide. It would be like trying to run Apple’s Lion on an average, everyday PC.* Neither is designed to be easily compatible with the other. Each has a different approach or philosophy to operating. It stands to reason that if one is going to “talk” to the other, they need help speaking the same language. Basically, I could reboot until the cows come home—change my job, learn a new skill, go on a dream vacation—but it’s not going to fix the base problem. Invariably I’ll realize, these were goals I achieved, and yes, they gave me hints at living wide, but they were only hints. When my primary issue is my mindset and the limitations that exist there, my new software has nothing to effectively adhere to. If I am to successfully live wide, I need to identify what it is at the DNA level that keeps me cycling back to living small. Then, I’ll know this upgrade to living wide will actually work.

Earlier, I identified one of the primary traits of someone who lives wide – the automatic response/reaction of, “Why not?” What keeps me from saying this and meaning it every time? All good questions, to which my answer is… more questions:

  • Why do I fear failure? If an idea or goal doesn’t work out, why do I internalize this as the “end of the world?”
  • How much security would be enough? Is there truly a number in a bank account or collection of things that will make me feel 100% safe?
  • Why do I push against asking for help so ferociously?
  • Why do I make God small? Why am I convinced His abilities have a limit? He created the universe for goodness sake!
  • Why do I feel unworthy of love, companionship, aid, accolades, compliments, etc.?
  • Why am I not more selfish with my time, energy, heart, etc.?
  • Why am I so selfish with my time, energy, heart, etc.?

If I’m truly going to make a go at this idea of living wide, these are all questions I need to answer. Thoughts on other questions I should consider?


*Calm down techno nerds, I know this is actually possible with the right “tools.” Just go with the illustration please.

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2 thoughts on “Reboot

  1. This reminds me of Ed’s sermons about living a christian life is changing your operating system! As a silicon valley girl I love the metaphor of the digital age! :0)
    Keep up the amazing writing T!

  2. Pingback: Living Wide Fail | Living Wide

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